my English grandmother, who I only met a few times in my life, passed away and I was attending the funeral, except it wasn't a funeral, it was more like seeing her lying in state. when we entered the church, everyone had left and they were going to take her body away. my dad, sister and I asked for time with her. my dad and sister said their goodbye then sat and waiting for me to do the same. I felt uncomfortable doing this with them there so asked for some time alone. my grandmother's body was like a mannequin from my nursing class and didn't look real. she was dressed in a see through white gown and had her eyes open and smiling, which is how I remember her from a photo. I couldn't speak so instead I wrote a goodbye note and signed it of 'kiki' the name she used for me at her death bed in real life. then my dad and sister return basically in a very loud and over the top way, with a a lot of joy and impatience. before I had a chance to kiss my grandma goodbye, the church vicar was taking her body away, carrying it like a baby. As this happened, a song like 'trust in you' by hillson began playing very loudly in an orchestral style. I felt overwhelmed and frustrated at my sister and dad for interrupting my goodbye and not having the chance to give my grandmother a kiss.
Dreams about deceased loved ones, especially in the context of a funeral or farewell, often symbolize your emotional relationship with the person and your current state of mind regarding their absence. Let's break down the elements of your dream:
The Setting and the Body: The funeral setting suggests a need for closure or finality concerning your grandmother's passing. The fact that it wasn't a traditional funeral but more of a "lying in state" hints at a sense of unfinished business or emotions that have been left unprocessed. Seeing your grandmother's body as a mannequin suggests a disconnect between your memories and the reality of her passing, as well as a struggle to reconcile the finality of death. Her eyes being open and smiling could indicate a wish to remember her in a positive light, as you recall her from a photo.
Desire for Alone Time: Your request for solitude to say goodbye represents a personal need to process your grief independently. Often, we need personal space to confront and express our true emotions without feeling observed or pressured by others' presence.
Writing a Goodbye Note: Writing a note instead of speaking suggests a difficulty in verbally expressing your emotions, perhaps due to the complexity of feelings or the weight of the situation. Signing it with a name she used for you indicates a deeper personal connection and the desire to cherish a unique bond you shared with her.
Return of Your Family: The abrupt, joyful return of your dad and sister could symbolize external pressures or distractions in your waking life that prevent you from fully experiencing or mourning your loss. Their over-the-top demeanor might reflect your perception of others not understanding or respecting the depth of your feelings.
Interruption and the Vicar: Being interrupted before you could kiss your grandmother could represent missed opportunities or regret about things left unsaid or undone while she was alive. The vicar taking her body away like a baby could symbolize a loss of control over the situation and a return to innocence or peace for her, guided by religious or spiritual undertones.
The Music: The song "Trust in You" or its orchestral-like sound suggests a theme of faith, letting go, and finding peace within the chaos. It serves as a backdrop to your emotions—trust in the process of grief and the continuation of life after loss.
Overall, your dream appears to be exploring themes of unresolved emotions, the desire for personal closure, and the challenges of finding peace with the loss of a loved one. It emphasizes your need to honor your relationship with your grandmother in a way that feels authentic to you, away from the expectations or influences of others. Consider taking some personal time in your waking life to reflect on your memories with her, perhaps through writing or another form of personal expression, to help find the closure you seek.